Rant- 1

Let me rant a little about marriage or relationship or lack of it in my life. As a 32 year old male, i am at risk of becoming some what of failure because i do not have many of qualities any eligible bachelor should have. I know my shortcomings and i am very aware of remedial actions that i should take. Thing is, i am very lazy and disinterested about most of things in life as of now.

I think about living comfortably in a nice house and drive a decent car but i am not motivated enough to work towards it. Why i am like this, i am not very sure. I have a supportive family. They have tolerated me so far, they have tagged me as an underachiever, someone who doesn’t recognized his potential. I am just very unhappy and unsatisfied.

Now, when i am in this mess, how am i supposed to get married? Why should i disturb someone else life with my mind-fuck? I have to go through arrange marriage route, i am a registered user of a matrimonial site. I believe that they work but i don’t even do my searches, thousands of rupees worth of membership is getting wasted. I am not a good product for this marriage market, i don’t have an USP for good matches. Getting rejected even virtually hurts :-(. Should i improve myself, yes i should. But it takes effort and i am just not interested for any of it. Every day i waste huge amount of time in thinking, over-thinking, planning but i am not getting anywhere. I do start but i lose tempo. 

Guess what- i am thinking to make a list of worse case scenarios that could happen to me if i don’t start working hard. Probably that could kick me to run. 

Damn, this is cathartic.

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